Thursday, March 28, 2013

God commands to stop The Human Genome Project



Even the almighty is concerned about mankind. 

It is said that God - yes God himself is having a concern now - he is running out of genetic combinations for humans. 

In an interview, " Look, before all this thing happened about Human Genome and stuff - I was just planning to just duplicate previous genes - esp.  the guys who are in hell, so it's almost like giving them a second chance. After all I'm the all-forgiving. Now with you guys making a note of everything I'm finding it tough to get combinations for genes. Let me tell you at the rate at which you guys are breeding by 2876 AD there will no more combinations left. That is the reason why - I'm trying to mutate genes and see the outcomes of it. The evolution theory is all crap by the way - it's just that I ran out of combinations for a particular species so I changed them gradually - because if I changed them overnight then parents would be shocked and shocked parents can lead to divorce - which is against what I preach and practice. My R&D team and I are working overtime to fix this which is why I don't have to time to fix the rest of the evils in the world like corruption, terrorism and conservatism. So here's my message to the Scientist folks - focus your energy on renewable energy - I'll take care of the Human Genome Project. If you do not heed to my word - I will be forced make you guys evolve and there would be a species which would be smarter stronger and faster than you guys with way more genetic combinations. If you need a technological analogy to what I'm trying to say then look at IPv4 and IPv6 - remember you mortals are IPv4. " he said and disappeared into thin air. (Literally)


Thursday, March 21, 2013

This Apple fan has no Apple products


Jod Cruise is an Apple fan(just like all it's products/fans) with a difference. He has no Apple products.

His profile read :

Phone : Samsung Galaxy S3

Tablet : Google Nexus

Laptop : Sony Vaio

MP3 player : Sony

So we asked him - then what makes him an Apple fan?

"My relationship with Apple is from my childhood
1) I used to be Apple of my mothers eyes and she would sing this for me : 




2) Then later when I grew up I would sing this song for my girlfriend : 





RIP Logic.


Wednesday, March 20, 2013

People begin acting like Corporations


On account of support of the concept from Millionaire Mitt Romney(we forget what else was famous for) :


It is reported that people in California and New York are inspired and have begun acting like corporations.

One employee at Verizon outsourced his work to a firm in China while spending his time doing more productive activities like updating his Facebook status, or making sure his LinkedIn profile was updated with his latest project etc. (Link here)

He says "It's freedom, my firm wants the job done and I ensure it's done.More I'm a corporation too. How I get the work done is not anybody's business"

Here are a few other tasks that people have been performing to bridge the Corporation -People gap.

1) Outsource the tasks of organs that aren't functioning well - or if the same service is available at a lower cost

2) Move brains offshore

3) Clone self and open branches in low-cost, high-skill offshore locations

4) Utilize tax loopholes

5) Sell parts of themselves on the stock markets

6) Layoff parts of themselves that aren't making enough profit - e.g. appendix

7) Forming partnerships with multiple corporations

Many of these actions have been welcomed by Republicans.



Friday, March 15, 2013

Apple now accuses Samsung of Time Travel



Apple has now accused Samsung of travelling ahead in time and stealing features of it's flagship iPhone that were to be launched in the future. 

It all began after Samsung launched it's own Galaxy S4 which is said to have features that no smartphone has had till-date. This kind of news and a high profile launch is what Apple and it's low-IQ fans boast of but with times changing at Times Square Apple seems to infuriated that Samsung has stolen Apple's features. 



Apple has come forward with the design document of the iPhone 7 and it's representative said "All the features of the Galaxy S4 were planned but not patented for by Apple, we were planning to release it in Spring 2015. Samsung has lived up to it's reputation of stealing from Apple and this time from the future. It looks like Samsung has invented a time travel machine to get the specifications of future iPhones and releasing them under the Galaxy brands in advance. They did that with the S2 which was the same as the iPhone 5 and the S3 is the same as the iPhone 6. Other than ethics, Samsung must also learn a thing about incremental product design and agile product development. " 

The Samsung Public Relations team was not available for comments. 

The case will be decided by the courts in California. 


Image Courtesy : TheNextWeb, YourCollegePlanners