Didn't you Know?

Friday, September 20, 2013

First Honest Salesman Found

In what is being termed as the find of the millennium - after millions of Venture Capitalist funding - scientists claim to have found an honest salesman.

Prof. No It Ol has claimed to have gone to purchase a car when he ran into Jeff, who is being termed as a salesman who actually talks about the negatives about the vehicle that he being paid to sell.

Sir "That car had an accident about 3 months ago - you cannot notice it but I can tell by the color of the new bumper" said Jeff as he pointed to a shining part of the car which Prof Ol had not noticed and would not have noticed either had Jeff not brought it to his notice. The reason the arrogant professor(just like all others) said he would not have noticed the mark of the accident was because his RA had hidden his glasses as revenge for not allowing him to graduate about a year back.

Nonetheless, the honesty of Jeff had touched more Prof. Ol when he said "Go to the counter and tell them that you would pay only $12,000 for this baby as against the list price of $13,500 - and tell them you saw this, don't mention anything that I told you about."

As a matter of gratitude Prof. Ol has taken Jeff to his lab and is conducting a neuron mapping analysis to see what is it that is making Jeff such an honest man in the land of wolves.

More on the research as it unfolds....

Sunday, June 16, 2013

Liver writes email Educating Person about the Perils of Alcohol

In a bizarre event a New Jersey resident has received an email from his own liver thanking him for staying away from alcohol for the weekend.

The email read :
"Dear Sam, This may sound shocking to you but I really am your liver. I am really grateful to you for having stayed away from alcohol this weekend. It was a welcome change for me that you drank a lot of water and did some exercise as well. You know that I've been having a tough time over the last few years since you have taken to binge drinking on Fridays and Saturdays. I have spoken to your neurons and a few other organs and they too don't seem very happy with your habit. I would on behalf of them request you to control your drinking. I understand that it is tough but I would request you to try. I also know I have no control over your actions but would wish to inform you that once I fall ill then you're going to have a tough time. I have for your quick reference attached in this email a picture of how one of my friend looks after having fallen ill. The disease is called Cirrhosis. I hope you understand I am writing this letter for the good of both of us. Also I am a pretty good looking organ as of now with no blemishes to my skin, once I get Cirrhosis I tend to get acne and wrinkles as well. I love the attention I get from other organs and other livers as well given my health - so please Sam for the sake of this relationship please cut down on your drinking.
Love,
Your Liver."

image credit :mellsky7.wordpress.com

Monday, May 13, 2013

God forgets

In an unprecedented event God has forgotten to allot a summer season to North-East USA.

Religious leaders have also confirmed this act of forgetfulness and have blamed it on old age and added pressures of the job of being God. God incidentally is rumored to be thousands of years old - his son is himself more than 2000 years old as claimed by Jehovahs witnesses.

God was not available for comment but it is said that he may have purposely not switched the summer button-on, which he generally does sometime in April, with temperatures in May being in the low 50s. Conspiracy Theorists have blamed it on the coldness of the human race. A spokesman said : "I have spoken to the Powers-that-be and here's what has happened - God has not switched the summer button ON to let humanity know how cold they are. He has done it on purpose so that people would start being more warm to each other. He has asked me to let us generate our own warmth with each other", said Dean Sean Jean, the President of Conspiracies United.

We'll keep you posted on the happenings. As of now all calls to God are going into his voicemail. You can tweet him here.

Thursday, May 9, 2013

NYSE to rename Market Trends

Claiming that the dominance of the Chicago Bulls and Chicago Bears are over - the NYSE today announced that it was moving away from Chicago and giving importance to the two BIG teams in NBA from the East and West i.e. the Heat and the Thunder respectively.

Wilson Thun, the Media head of the NYSE today said "With due respect to Chicago that is home to both the Bulls and the Bears after months of discussion we have decided to change the naming conventions to Heat for what is currently the Bullish Market and Thunder to what is currently the Bear market. They have their significance in the fact that an Hot air balloon has Heat and hence rises and Thunder falls from the sky, which is also how the markets have been behaving off-late. The names that we had considered were Cowboys and Ravens among others".

Financial Analysts refused to comment on this change in the naming convention - though one on the condition of anonymity said "I do not understand the reason for this - I've always loved the Bulls as a team - moreover I think the Republicans are responsible for this because we know where President Obama is a Senator from.They do not want any kind of association with him. We know who controls the market."

Photo Credit : money.cnn.com, realtalkonsports.com

Thursday, March 28, 2013

God commands to stop The Human Genome Project

Even the almighty is concerned about mankind.

It is said that God - yes God himself is having a concern now - he is running out of genetic combinations for humans.

In an interview, " Look, before all this thing happened about Human Genome and stuff - I was just planning to just duplicate previous genes - esp. the guys who are in hell, so it's almost like giving them a second chance. After all I'm the all-forgiving. Now with you guys making a note of everything I'm finding it tough to get combinations for genes. Let me tell you at the rate at which you guys are breeding by 2876 AD there will no more combinations left. That is the reason why - I'm trying to mutate genes and see the outcomes of it. The evolution theory is all crap by the way - it's just that I ran out of combinations for a particular species so I changed them gradually - because if I changed them overnight then parents would be shocked and shocked parents can lead to divorce - which is against what I preach and practice. My R&D team and I are working overtime to fix this which is why I don't have to time to fix the rest of the evils in the world like corruption, terrorism and conservatism. So here's my message to the Scientist folks - focus your energy on renewable energy - I'll take care of the Human Genome Project. If you do not heed to my word - I will be forced make you guys evolve and there would be a species which would be smarter stronger and faster than you guys with way more genetic combinations. If you need a technological analogy to what I'm trying to say then look at IPv4 and IPv6 - remember you mortals are IPv4. " he said and disappeared into thin air. (Literally)

Thursday, March 21, 2013

This Apple fan has no Apple products

Jod Cruise is an Apple fan(just like all it's products/fans) with a difference. He has no Apple products.

His profile read :

Phone : Samsung Galaxy S3

Tablet : Google Nexus

Laptop : Sony Vaio

MP3 player : Sony

So we asked him - then what makes him an Apple fan?

"My relationship with Apple is from my childhood
1) I used to be Apple of my mothers eyes and she would sing this for me :

2) Then later when I grew up I would sing this song for my girlfriend :

RIP Logic.

Wednesday, March 20, 2013

People begin acting like Corporations

On account of support of the concept from Millionaire Mitt Romney(we forget what else was famous for) :

It is reported that people in California and New York are inspired and have begun acting like corporations.

One employee at Verizon outsourced his work to a firm in China while spending his time doing more productive activities like updating his Facebook status, or making sure his LinkedIn profile was updated with his latest project etc. (Link here)

He says "It's freedom, my firm wants the job done and I ensure it's done.More I'm a corporation too. How I get the work done is not anybody's business"

Here are a few other tasks that people have been performing to bridge the Corporation -People gap.

1) Outsource the tasks of organs that aren't functioning well - or if the same service is available at a lower cost

2) Move brains offshore

3) Clone self and open branches in low-cost, high-skill offshore locations

4) Utilize tax loopholes

5) Sell parts of themselves on the stock markets

6) Layoff parts of themselves that aren't making enough profit - e.g. appendix

7) Forming partnerships with multiple corporations

Many of these actions have been welcomed by Republicans.

Friday, March 15, 2013

Apple now accuses Samsung of Time Travel

Apple has now accused Samsung of travelling ahead in time and stealing features of it's flagship iPhone that were to be launched in the future.

It all began after Samsung launched it's own Galaxy S4 which is said to have features that no smartphone has had till-date. This kind of news and a high profile launch is what Apple and it's low-IQ fans boast of but with times changing at Times Square Apple seems to infuriated that Samsung has stolen Apple's features.

Apple has come forward with the design document of the iPhone 7 and it's representative said "All the features of the Galaxy S4 were planned but not patented for by Apple, we were planning to release it in Spring 2015. Samsung has lived up to it's reputation of stealing from Apple and this time from the future. It looks like Samsung has invented a time travel machine to get the specifications of future iPhones and releasing them under the Galaxy brands in advance. They did that with the S2 which was the same as the iPhone 5 and the S3 is the same as the iPhone 6. Other than ethics, Samsung must also learn a thing about incremental product design and agile product development. "

The Samsung Public Relations team was not available for comments.

The case will be decided by the courts in California.

Image Courtesy : TheNextWeb, YourCollegePlanners

Saturday, February 2, 2013

Zombies change mind about attack!

In what is being said as the most astonishing news for humanity, Zombies have now decided to cancel their well prepared plan to attack Earth.

"Well we had plans to attack Humanity but we're not able to find it" said Zom-Bee the chief Zombie. "We have been planning to attack Earth and take it over and make the place as wretched as we are but now it looks like Humans have overtaken us in being the way we wanted them to be, in fact we're worried if we take them over, they may make us like them" he said with a very concerned expression.

When asked how he knew about all this he said "We have intelligence reports, about the existence of stuff like banks and even supermarkets where humans are exploited - we are scared that our future generations would become like that or if they learn such trades. We have no currency and we eat what we want but I hear humans fight for food and water, I mean how worse can they get? I would not want my children and grandchildren to be fighting among each other for food. So we're calling off the attack and in fact we're worried that they may attack us so we're preparing for the consequences and worst case we're all going to self-destruct than become like humans".

"I have also warned my alien brothers about the consequences of attacking Earth and they're pretty understanding about it too", he added and disappeared into thin air.

Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Married NJ Transit traveler has a crush on An Acela Express

Robert Trainlovski a regular NJ Transit Commuter admits being turned on by the look of An Acela Express.

"I leave my home station Hamilton for work at 8am everyday and used to see this really sexy train pass by. I would try to find out what it was but it was too fast for me to get a good look at. Then one fine day I decided to take the next train to New York just so that I could take a good look at what this elusive object of desire was and my was I shocked looking at this beauty. From that day on I take the 8:14am train in the mornings just to check her out. I know it's her by the sound." said Bob as he kept looking at his watch.

"That's not all I had a chance to take a peek inside her once when she was parked at the NY Penn station and boy - she's as beautiful on the inside as she looks on the outside, I also took a picture and carry it in my wallet all the time" he said as he shared the following picture with us.

"I don't know how my wife would react to this crush of mine, I mean nobody would like it right, but anyway for now it's just a crush and nothing more. Though I have tried to get my boss to let me travel to Boston or Philadelphia but that's not happening as yet. I just hope this affection dies down soon because the train doesn't seem to care for me at all, moreover I cannot do anything like this because I got kids too and if not for anybody else for their sake I have to stop this".

Just as we were about to leave he called out and said "By the way, do you know the structure of my Acela? Here you go. Keep it" He said as he passed on a piece of paper containing this image.

Friday, December 21, 2012

Have you paid your Mitt Romney Tax yet?

In what is being termed as the most bizarre tax ever - the IRS is imposing a tax on all Democrats(considered losers by the Republicans - who still are not quite sure what happened in November) except for the ones who voted Mitt Romney. This new tax will affect any individual earning below $200,000 and families with income levels below $250,00 and is being called the Mitt Romney tax and also know in some circles as the "Loser Tax".

It is said that lobbyists behind this highly popular(with the rich) tax are out to show to the nations poor what it feels like to be a loser. The group behind this are said to former backers of Mitt Romney but have now turned to this to hurt all Republicans. They say " Obama was one of the worst Presidents in history and Mitt Romney lost to him. So just imagine how bad he himself must be. This is also the lesson to those who voted Obama" said Mr. Know Wrights the Press Secretary of American Crossroads the main group behind this plan.

"We want the poor and the downtrodden to know how it feels to be taxed unfairly - and that they must realize that they are losers for being poor - they must also how it feels to be called a loser and that's the main motive of this tax - A recent study in Massachusetts has shown that you tend fight back harder when you are down. This tax does exactly that. So, have you paid your Mitt Romney tax yet?"

Student locks self in room for 2 weeks

Ishan Karpenter a graduate student at a some-what reputed Tech university who had reportedly locked himself up in his room for 2 weeks has finally reappeared in public saying "All is Well".

There have been contrasting theories about his weird act like him being in the wrong company and trying things he could not discuss e.g. studying for the whole day without breaks etc. His flatmates say he would come out early in the morning, eat something quick before locking himself up again. They haven't reported any strange noises or odor from his room either.

Rumor-mill has it that he was also romantically involved with a woman who is his classmate and some of his friends say he could have been in conversation with her all the while and others say he must be depressed with not being able to meet her and even others say he must have ended his relationship with her and this was the only way he was able to get over his grief.

Neighbors say he was the sober kind and may have been affected by his roommates who are the rebellious kind and he may have wanted to avoid them for as long as possible.

He did pick one of our reporters calls up and said "Guys what's all this about? I hear you're calling my roommates and even my neighbors. Calm down - I had my exams and didn't want to get disturbed. Is there a problem with that? Now let me study for my next semester. All is Well. Take care and Merry Christmas."

Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Area man uses Social Network as News Feed

A man from Hightstown, NJ has said he uses the Social Networking Giant as a news feed.

Roy Pairs a Electronic and Communication Graduate with specialization in Cloud Computing has said he uses Facebook to keep abreast with happenings in the tech world and other news sources like BBC, CNN and even Huff Post.

"I use Facebook to know what my favorite tech companies are posting. I have even applied for jobs and got calls too just from Facebook. The tech firms also post all the latest news from around the tech world about all my favorite gadgets etc. So it's really cool. I really love Facebook. "

When told that the purpose of Facebook is to connect with friends and not companies he was shocked "Really? I mean I have a few friends on it but I thought they do the same thing too - look at companies and their job postings. Isn't that what people generally use Facebook for? I mean it's obvious right? If I have to find out about my friend I could text him or call him. Why would I need Facebook to help me do that? Why would I care about somebody who is not my friend? I have a lot to study than waste my time with such things."

When we explained to him the actual purpose of Facebook he said "It's tough to believe that Facebook will tell me if my roommate is crying or got fired by his boss or if he has a lot of research and assignments to do. I mean he could tell me directly and maybe I'd help him but if people are doing this then they must really have a lot of time at their hands. I am going to start an awareness program that Facebook must be used as an educational tool and not a tool that kills your precious time."

We have decided to support his cause.

Attention seeking man uses social media as Pesonal Diary

Aneet Mission-Raw(yes that's a real name), has said he is grateful to all social networks because it gives a shoulder to cry on. He says he successfully uses it as his personal diary.

"Well it is a practice that I've followed for a long time now, I've always used Social Networking esp. Facebook to let my personal feelings out, after all if your friends don't feel for you then who would? Family? Well they're on Facebook too. Maybe you guys don't know what Social Networking is - it's a friend-list no doubt but you can have family on it too" said Mr. Mission-Raw as he updated his status to "Interviewing with some fool who has no clue what a Social Network is about" to which he immediately got 3 likes. He turned around and said "See those 3 likes within a matter of seconds? They are my true friends. How many you got?" To which our reporter said that he looked at it as a means of keeping in touch and getting information about gadgets etc.

"Look I don't know what you guys think of Social Networking but just yesterday my boss had shouted at me and I posted on Facebook and most of my true friends felt bad for me and joined me in abusing my boss, it has worked wonders towards bettering my mood. I mean all of us have punching bags right? Mine is Facebook" he said as he stopped us in our tracks.

We asked him he had his boss on Facebook to which he used uttered language that we cannot print and immediately turned to his laptop and seemed to delete something.

We wish him good luck with his boss after the Christmas break.

Saturday, December 1, 2012

Graduate buys camera as first step towards "PHOTOGRAPHY"

In what is becoming the worlds fastest growing passion/career(part-time)/hobby another college graduate who wants to be different and get his creative juices flowing has purchased a Nikon camera as a gift to himself for his first salary.

Craig List an NYU graduate who specialized in Mechanical Engineering and now a full-time employee at Ford(the company the President saved) claims that he was a good photographer for a long time. "I had a small little camera 2 years ago then I bought my iPhone 4, that changed my outlook to life. I started to see how creative I could be to capture moments and freeze them forever. A legacy even my grandchildren could see" he said as he showed pictures to our reporter that seemed to be passed through light filters.

"After the iPhone 4, I got the Samsung Galaxy S3 when it was released and this has a better camera but now I've moved on from amateur photography and unlike other novices in the business, I now have a Nikon DSLR that I gifted myself for Thanksgiving which was when I got my first paycheck too. Yeah this has helped me move ahead of the Instagram folks, who think they're the Godfathers and Obamas of photography, unlike them now I use the software on my laptop, I mean Mac." he went on to say as he opened up a white laptop. "Now I can proudly say I am more creative than the rest are" he added as he showed us a few of his pics like the one below.

When asked what his future plans were he said " Well next year I plan to get more creative and get into movie making and will gift myself a video camera on the 1st of April which is also my birthday" Craig said and signed off.

Friday, November 30, 2012

Fat man buys clothes of a smaller size

In a rather smart way to reverse engineer your body, an obese man has bought clothes that he wishes to wear 6 months from today.

Ageless Joe "I've tried all means to lose weight from running to swimming to yeah that's about it, I had almost lost hope when I heard President Obama say "Hope must never be lost" and I have decided to take the most creative route - Hope. I hope to wear these tee-shirts and jeans in 6 months time. I have kept them at the front of my closet to remind myself how good I would look in them every-time I open it."

He says he's not sure how he would achieve this task but it's hope that keeps him going to the gym everyday.

Scientists argue about leap year

In another meeting at Prague, Czech Republic, scientists from different disciplines are in the middle of what is being called the debate of the decade at a round table conference using a square table to discuss if the term leap-year was correctly termed.

"When you leap, you avoid a few objects, in this case the object is a day and we are humanity, so look at it? Are we avoiding days? No absolutely not. Are we avoiding time? No. In fact we are embracing an extra day, so where is the leap? In mine and the opinion of other scientists from the sphere of mathematics, this year and every 4th year should be a regular year and the other years should be a leap year because that is where we leap and avoid the few minutes as the Earth goes around the Sun" said Dr. Fnu Abbey Phd, MS, BE, TS, TP, PQRS as we were in pains to just list his qualifications.

"I on behalf of all English researchers agree with Dr. Fnu, and think that this year should be a regular year and corresponding years except the ones that are divisible by 4 without a remainder (smile) should be leap years" said Dr. Roy Dawn Phd, MS, BE, XL, Word, etc. his qualifications were even greater than his predecessors. In fact he even got a pat on his back for the "without remainder" statement from the math fraternity.

Dr. Eye No Psy from Korea a historian said " I know nothing of the math and naming conventions. This was a practice that is being followed by us for a long time and it would mean changing history and proving history was wrong. It would also mean changing the mindset of 6 billion people which is not an easy task esp given the breeding rate in some nations in Asia."

The Sociologists led by Dr. Am No Way said "Look, what we are looking at doing is changing the social mindset of 6.3 Billion to be precise(serious look at Dr. Psy), so from a social perspective it's a tough task and would involve a lot of risk especially the risk of social rejection to those who don't follow the norms and may also give rise to more rebels". Which got a nod of appreciation from the Psychologists.

More to follow...

Google develops Sense of Humor app

In a path-breaking invention Google has come out with an app that helps the serious folks get a life. Called "Sense of Humor" this app suggests people who are the serious kind to get a life.

The app is available for $99.00 on the Play Store and Google says it would soon be available for free on Apples "App Store". Asked for the reason for such a big difference in prices on the 2 markets and whether it could affect phones sales if the app was a hit, Google said "Apple has very few free apps and it's users need to get a life and know what free apps mean". Then what about the charge on the Play Store? "Well, that is for Android customers to get a feel of Apples App Store and how green/brown the grass is on the other side"

Photograph courtesy : http://circusofmine.blogspot.com/2012/07/i-love-his-sense-of-humor.html

Friday, November 23, 2012

Africans unite to help Norway

In a heartening video the whole continent of Africa has vowed to fight the cold in Norway. The campaign being called as Radi-Aid is now going viral on the internet esp. on Social Networking sites like Facebook, Twitter, YouTube and even LinkedIn.

Zgyna Hulu the head of the campaign, explains in the video how the worst times in Africa were helped by people around the world and now it's time for the African people to payback to the world community and Norway is the beginning. He also goes on to say how just like corruption, poverty and hunger, frost-bite can kill too.

Here's wishing the campaign luck.

More than 100 million participate in psychological experiment

In what is being described as one of the most successful annual experiments ever - the public were subject to an experiment where they were tempted to buy objects which they would not need but were priced lower than expected turned out to be the most successful shopping experiment by retailers ever.

Started way back in the 1950s as a test for Catholics who regularly said "Do not bring us to the test" to check if they actually fell for the temptation of low prices has now spread across communities and turned out into an Annual National Holiday falling on the Friday that follows the 4th Thursday of November.

Dr. Evil who is in-charge of this experiment for the last 30 years said "Humans whatever they maybe can never resist temptation, and I am proving this for 30 years in a row now" and had an evil laughter as he said this.

Mr. Tom the manager at one of the stores said "Dr. Evil asked us to up the prices by 30% and then give a 50% off across the board for this weekend so technically we're just giving a 35% discount on our products but you know what, it's worked, a few weeks back when we'd offered a 40% discount on all out products we didn't have even half the sales we've had so far. So Dr. Evil is always right".

One shopper Dianne said "This is so cool, I got this new thing that is an iPad but is made by Google, for like $200, I mean how cool is that? I have an iPad but that's a little bigger than this one but this so cute and easy to hold. I mean since when did Google start making iPads? Isn't it made by Apple?" asked the confused shopper.

We wish her luck.

Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Man hospitalized after coming in contact with bullshit

Angel Joe a cattle farmer has been admitted to St. Michaels hospital after coming in contact with bullshit. Doctors say he was allergic to bullshit and wasn't aware of it till he actually went into his farm and helped the workers cleanup after his bulls were done for the day.

His friend Fnu said "He's known to be pretty tolerant, I mean he's got some friends that give it to him a lot and he would keep saying one day I'm going to get tired of all this bullsh*t, little did I know he was referring to his work and not the nonsense his other friends spoke, I'm wishing him a speedy recovery"

Another friend of his Roy said " I mean it's a figurative term isn't it? Who gets allergic to it literally, he must go to the gym more often".

Our team wishes him a speedy recovery.

Twitter, Google+ and Facebook to battle it out

In what is being described as the "Fight of the Decade" social network Google+ has declared war on it's so-called rivals by challenging them to a boxing game. Coincidentally It has been scheduled for the 26th of December also known as Boxing Day. It is being considered a David v/s Goliath v/s Steve Austin game where Google+ claims to be Steve Austin.

Facebook and Twitter have accepted the challenge but have kept mum(and dad) about their preparations for this show-down. It is said Facebook is planning to introduce new features which would not go down well with it's users but would still add a million users everyday and hence show it's power and reports are flowing in about how Twitter still laughs at how it allows only 140 characters but still has millions of characters as users. Both have however declined to make official statements though.

Google+ on the other hand has tried to remove any such complaints but it's makers are still wondering how it's not as attractive as it's handicapped adversaries. Google has also said it has an ace up it's sleeve which it chooses not to reveal but analysts it could be to buy out Twitter.

The public is highly excited about this fight opinion polls have given Facebook a slim lead of 30% over Twitter 28% whereas Google+ is trailing at 23%. 19% of the voters who were mainly old Republicans are still undecided because they don't seem to have a clue about what all this noise is about.

Meanwhile other Social Networks like Pinterest and Instagram are feeling left-out in the battle of the biggies.

Software engineer admits he doesn't have a life

In a very honest confession - a software engineer in Bangalore(known as the Silicon Valley of India - even though it's on a plateau), has admitted he doesn't have a life.

Ramesh Suresh in his interview with our correspondent said "I leave at 7am everyday, I get back by around 9pm and am too exhausted so all I do is have my dinner and go to sleep, we have a delivery coming up so that leaves me working on Saturdays too and on Sunday I have to shop for gorcery, catch up on sleep etc. So basically I don't have a life, my kids see me only on weekends because they're asleep when I leave in the morning and it's bed-time by the time I'm back. I do Skype with them sometimes from work though and we're also friends on Facebook so it's not that bad. I get to see their posts and like them and they sometimes like my posts too, that's my only source of joy, I do play some games with them on Sundays if they don't go to meet their friends or grandma".

Our heart-felt sympathies to the Indian Software Engineer Community who in a home-away-from-home.

Photo courtesy : http://www.covenanteyes.com/

Monday, November 19, 2012

Unborn Baby decides to stay longer

An unborn baby in Queensland Australia has decide to stay in mothers womb for a while more saying it's better in there.

Chris the baby said "I hear the world out there is very bad, with things like corruption, global warming, war and the Rebuplicans, this is the safest place I can be now, I know eventually I would have to come but I'd rather wait and take my time in here and enjoy it while it lasts."

Chris' parents and extended family are very eager see him/her in person but he/she chooses to make them wait.

Chris wouldn't even tell us reporters even the actual name was Christian or Christina thereby leaving everybody including our reporters in a state of high curiosity.

It has also been reported that Chris has two notorious uncles who apparently play only computer games, from whom the family has vowed to shield the baby saying they would be a negative influence on a tender mind.

Friday, November 16, 2012

Start-up that sells you Air

A team of Entrepreneurs have developed a unique way to get you the best air and have you breathe pure. No we're not talking about creating fake oxygen in oxygen bars.

Here's the video :

We are buying jar for our offices.

The Mitt Romney guide to be a politican

Our Election expert Angel Cruise has decoded what makes Mitt Romney a politician.

1) It's all about the Money : Mitt Romney had raised more money than his competitor and this was the first time ever a challenger did raise more than a sitting President.

2) Have as many kids as you can - they'll surely vote for you : Now how would it feel if you lost by 1 vote? He's never gonna face that.

3) Don't Change your stance : Stay as far on the right of the road as you can - during the Primaries.

4) Change your stance : Okay if it's to win votes you can change you stance sometimes.

5) Be a fool at times : Act like you don't know something to prove a point. Like saying we have fewer ships and hence the Navy is worse. #HorsesandBayonets

6) Lie : Need I say more?

7)Be a successful businessman :

8) Run negative Ads :

9) Be over confident : don't write a concession speech, concession speeches are for losers

10) Demean your opponent:

11) Argue with yourself for practice :

12) Choose and inexperienced but charming running mate :

13) Practice a lot :

and finally... always remember

14) Don't try to be greater than your father was.

Thursday, November 15, 2012

Jon Stewart surges to 10 point lead over O'Reilly

Opinion polls have handed liberal Jon Stewart a 10 point (55%-45%) lead over his conservative rival Bill O'Reilly after a fiercely contested debate.

Viewers say this was the moment Stewart won over the fence-sitters.

After this Stewart went on to defeat his conservative rival by 61% to 39% according to opinion polls.

Full link to the debate.

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

1 Billion celebrate the movie Wall-E

About 1/6th of the worlds population today celebrate the film Wall-E and relate it to an ancient Indian tradition.

Micro-blogging site Twitter was filled with people wishing each other "Happy The Wall-E". The occasion was so big that even President Barack Obama joined in to wish the ones celebrating.

He added a pun after having won the elections by saying this celebration is "the Triumph of good(himself) over evil(Romney), of Truth(himself) over untruth(Romney) and that this was the time we would be led from darkness to light".

Scientists are still trying to figure out the connection between the celebration and the Pixar movie.

Monday, November 12, 2012

Student gives up chance to play computer games

A grad-student who we had reported about earlier (link here) rejected the opportunity to play games like Counter-Strike and Need for Speed with his friends on a Local Area Network so that he could study and apply for internships on the social networking website LinkedIn.

With a coffee in his hand on a cold Saturday night, Ishan said he would not hangout with his friends because he had to apply for summer internships in California. When his friend asked him, he said " Look applying is not a simple process, I have to look for roles, qualification, salary etc. and they take a long time to apply, so I need to do that now, also I have an assignment due on Monday so I cannot make it, okay you guys please leave now, let me get started" and pushed his friends and our reporter out of his room.

1% of US loses power for 4 years

In a very disheartening incident that happened on Tuesday the 6th of November 2012, 1% of the population of the United States of America lost power. An estimated 3 Million people would be without power for over 4 years based on current estimates.

The elite who had conspired to take control of the country and run it like a "CORPORATION" failed badly on popular vote and would be cast into 4 years of exile. Repercussions are already being felt by the majority where as promised many of the rich have been firing their employees out of frustration.

Said one billionaire Donald Duck "I had bet against this happening, I wanted power in our hands and had even got friends to invest in this plan, now I do not know what we're going to do without any power, this is a calamity for myself and the other 3 Million of us, they want us to more taxes, we already pay millions in taxes and that man wants us to pay more? Is he crazy? Next time we will not let anyone like him be the president, even if that means me spending $100M"

It is said their representative Pitt Mo'Money unexpectedly lost against a man who they claimed was no good and would surely not win.

Avengers steal childrens candy

During the annual fancy dress competition where children go around asking for candy which is eventually eaten kept in the store to be redistributed the following year there has been a bizarre reporting in North Carolina. The residents spotted a group of older kids who seemed to be better dressed than the rest of their group and went from house to house asking for candy and suddenly grabbed the bags of candy from the rest of the kids and flew away.

"They seemed older than my kids and I was skeptical letting them go in the same group but nonetheless they seemed sweet so I let them go, then all of a sudden they snatched Luz and Dylans candy and flew away, I did not expect them to steal my kids candy, now I have to buy candy for myself and for next Halloween, given the economy it's not a joke you see. I'm so mad that I'm not gonna take my kids to watch Avengers-2, I'd rather watch Batman but sad Nolan's not making anymore of those ones but we have Superman coming up though so there's hope. " said Sally one of the mums whose kids had their candy stolen by the Avengers.

Six year old Dylan seemed too low to even talk "I had a bag full of candy and the avengers do this to me and it was my favorite bag that they took away, but anyway Christmas is not far away - I'll ask Santa for a new bag better than this one and for a lot of candy" and finally smiled.

In other news a man got his first kiss after he dressed and a kissing booth for Halloween.

Saturday, November 10, 2012

Republicans say Obama won because it was Obama

After his concession speech team Mitt Romney has said what could have been the main cause of a higgly unlikely democrat victory - Barack Obama.

"I mean even with all the money and negative ads that we were able to generate, it was tough to beat some like Obama, how can we ever get a candidate that speaks like him? People listen to him and are in tears. I haven't anybody do this other than my dad who would threaten to beat me - so when he spoke I would cry too but this is different. How can we beat someone with so much charm? Even Mitt Romneys' grand daughters love Obama. In fact they have asked Romney to give Obama four more years" said Ryan Paul the assistant to Paul Ryan.

"How do the democrats manage to get such eloquent speakers? First it was Clinton and now Obama. Why always them? Look at our best speakers G.W. Bush and Paul Ryan. Romney couldn't even stick to one point. He always contradicts himself all the time, he suffers from ADD and short-term memory loss." He added.

Apparently the Republicans are hiring good speakers to assist with their almost failed 2016 race in which they may have to deal with the potentially first woman president in Hilary Clinton.

Man has goose for a pet

A man from Providence, RI has been reported having a goose for a pet and he even takes it for walks.

Ray has been spotted by residents of Providence walking into a supermarket with his goose in tow. It is said that the goose is very well behaved and does eat the grain or vegetables that is displayed at the store.

When asked Ray who is a life-long Republican and Celtics fan said "Look, Geese live more than dogs do and they don't have an attitude like cats, so basically they are more caring than cats and live longer than dogs. We are Mormons and are pro-life, when my dog Timmy died my son was sad for weeks, so I had to get him a pet that would not die soon and he would be mature enough by the time we reach such an eventuality. Which is why I got him this goose."

Asked if it was easy raising a goose he said "Yes and No, everything has a down-side like Rossi needs a diaper all the time and we need to take him to the lake for him to bathe and we've had coyotes having their eyes on our house sometimes but over he's a loving guy I must say, he's like having a toddler around all the time also during the winter he can't go out so he's a little noisy in the house, and again changing the diaper all the time..."

When we asked Rossi how he felt being a Mormon all he said was "back back, back back, quack".

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