Fat man buys clothes of a smaller size

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In a rather smart way to reverse engineer your body, an obese man has bought clothes that he wishes to wear 6 months from today.

Ageless Joe "I've tried all means to lose weight from running to swimming to yeah that's about it, I had almost lost hope when I heard President Obama say "Hope must never be lost" and I have decided to take the most creative route - Hope. I hope to wear these tee-shirts and jeans in 6 months time. I have kept them at the front of my closet to remind myself how good I would look in them every-time I open it." 

He says he's not sure how he would achieve this task but it's hope that keeps him going to the gym everyday. 

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Scientists argue about leap year

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In another meeting at Prague, Czech Republic, scientists from different disciplines are in the middle of what is being called the debate of the decade at a round table conference using a square table to discuss if the term leap-year was correctly termed.

"When you leap, you avoid a few objects, in this case the object is a day and we are humanity, so look at it? Are we avoiding days? No absolutely not. Are we avoiding time? No. In fact we are embracing an extra day, so where is the leap? In mine and the opinion of other scientists from the sphere of mathematics, this year and every 4th year should be a regular year and the other years should be a leap year because that is where we leap and avoid the few minutes as the Earth goes around the Sun" said Dr. Fnu Abbey Phd, MS, BE, TS, TP, PQRS as we were in pains to just list his qualifications.

"I on behalf of all English researchers agree with Dr. Fnu, and think that this year should be a regular year and corresponding years except the ones that are divisible by 4 without a remainder (smile) should be leap years" said Dr. Roy Dawn Phd, MS, BE, XL, Word, etc. his qualifications were even greater than his predecessors. In fact he even got a pat on his back for the "without remainder" statement from the math fraternity.

Dr. Eye No Psy from Korea a historian said " I know nothing of the math and naming conventions. This was a practice that is being followed by us for a long time and it would mean changing history and proving history was wrong. It would also mean changing the mindset of 6 billion people which is not an easy task  esp given the breeding rate in some nations in Asia."

The Sociologists led by Dr. Am No Way said "Look, what we are looking at doing is changing the social mindset of 6.3 Billion to be precise(serious look at Dr. Psy), so from a social perspective it's a tough task and would involve a lot of risk especially the risk of social rejection to those who don't follow the norms and may also give rise to more rebels". Which got a nod of appreciation from the Psychologists.

More to follow...

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Google develops Sense of Humor app

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In a path-breaking invention Google has come out with an app that helps the serious folks get a life. Called "Sense of Humor" this app suggests people who are the serious kind to get a life.

The app is available for $99.00 on the Play Store and Google says it would soon be available for free on Apples "App Store". Asked for the reason for such a big difference in prices on the 2 markets and whether it  could affect phones sales if the app was a hit, Google said "Apple has very few free apps and it's users need to get a life and know what free apps mean". Then what about the charge on the Play Store? "Well, that is for Android customers to get a feel of Apples App Store and how green/brown the grass is on the other side"

Photograph courtesy : http://circusofmine.blogspot.com/2012/07/i-love-his-sense-of-humor.html

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Africans unite to help Norway

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In a heartening video the whole continent of Africa has vowed to fight the cold in Norway. The campaign being called as Radi-Aid is now going viral on the internet esp. on Social Networking sites like Facebook, Twitter, YouTube and even LinkedIn. 

Zgyna Hulu the head of the campaign, explains in the video how the worst times in Africa were helped by people around the world and now it's time for the African people to payback to the world community and Norway is the beginning. He also goes on to say how just like corruption, poverty and hunger, frost-bite can kill too. 

Here's wishing the campaign luck. 

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More than 100 million participate in psychological experiment

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In what is being described as one of the most successful annual experiments ever - the public were subject to an experiment where they were tempted to buy objects which they would not need but were priced lower than expected turned out to be the most successful shopping experiment by retailers ever. 

Started way back in the 1950s as a test for Catholics who regularly said "Do not bring us to the test" to  check if they actually fell for the temptation of low prices has now spread across communities and turned out into an Annual National Holiday falling on the Friday that follows the 4th Thursday of November.  

Dr. Evil who is in-charge of this experiment for the last 30 years said "Humans whatever they maybe can never resist temptation, and I am proving this for 30 years in a row now" and had an evil laughter as he said this. 

Mr. Tom the manager at one of the stores said "Dr. Evil asked us to up the prices by 30% and then give a 50% off across the board for this weekend so technically we're just giving a 35% discount on our products but you know what, it's worked, a few weeks back when we'd offered a 40% discount on all out products we didn't have even half the sales we've had so far. So Dr. Evil is always right". 

One shopper Dianne said "This is so cool, I got this new thing that is an iPad but is made by Google, for like $200, I mean how cool is that? I have an iPad but that's a little bigger than this one but this   so cute and easy to hold. I mean since when did Google start making iPads? Isn't it made by Apple?" asked the confused shopper. 

We wish her luck. 

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Man hospitalized after coming in contact with bullshit

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Angel Joe a cattle farmer has been admitted to St. Michaels hospital after coming in contact with bullshit. Doctors say he was allergic to bullshit and wasn't aware of it till he actually went into his farm and helped the workers cleanup after his bulls were done for the day.

His friend Fnu said "He's known to be pretty tolerant, I mean he's got some friends that give it to him a lot and he would keep saying one day I'm going to get tired of all this bullsh*t, little did I know he was referring to his work and not the nonsense his other friends spoke, I'm wishing him a speedy recovery"

Another friend of his Roy said " I mean it's a figurative term isn't it? Who gets allergic to it literally, he must go to the gym more often".

Our team wishes him a speedy recovery. 

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Twitter, Google+ and Facebook to battle it out

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In what is being described as the "Fight of the Decade" social network Google+ has declared war on it's so-called rivals by challenging them to a boxing game. Coincidentally It has been scheduled for the 26th of December also known as Boxing Day. It is being considered a David v/s Goliath v/s Steve Austin game where Google+ claims to be Steve Austin. 

Facebook and Twitter have accepted the challenge but have kept mum(and dad) about their preparations for this show-down. It is said Facebook is planning to introduce new features which would not go down well with it's users but would still add a million users everyday and hence show it's power and reports are flowing in about how Twitter still laughs at how it allows only 140 characters but still has millions of characters as users. Both have however declined to make official statements though.

Google+ on the other hand has tried to remove any such complaints but it's makers are still wondering how it's not as attractive as it's handicapped adversaries. Google has also said it has an ace up it's sleeve which it chooses not to reveal but analysts it could be to buy out Twitter.

The public is highly excited about this fight opinion polls have given Facebook a slim lead of 30% over Twitter 28% whereas Google+ is trailing at 23%. 19% of the voters who were mainly old Republicans are still undecided because they don't seem to have a clue about what all this noise is about.

Meanwhile other Social Networks like Pinterest and Instagram are feeling left-out in the battle of the biggies.

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Software engineer admits he doesn't have a life

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In a very honest confession -  a software engineer in Bangalore(known as the Silicon Valley of India - even though it's on a plateau), has admitted he doesn't have a life. 

Ramesh Suresh in his interview with our correspondent said "I leave at 7am everyday, I get back by around 9pm and am too exhausted so all I do is have my dinner and go to sleep, we have a delivery coming up so that leaves me working on Saturdays too and on Sunday I have to shop for gorcery, catch up on sleep etc. So basically I don't have a life, my kids see me only on weekends because they're asleep when I leave in the morning and it's bed-time by the time I'm back. I do Skype with them sometimes from work though and we're also friends on Facebook so it's not that bad. I get to see their posts and like them and they sometimes like my posts too, that's my only source of joy, I do play some games with them on Sundays if they don't go to meet their friends or grandma". 

Our heart-felt sympathies to the Indian Software Engineer Community who in a home-away-from-home. 

Photo courtesy : http://www.covenanteyes.com/

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Unborn Baby decides to stay longer

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An unborn baby in Queensland Australia has decide to stay in mothers womb for a while more saying it's better in there. 

Chris the baby said "I hear the world out there is very bad, with things like corruption, global warming, war and the Rebuplicans, this is the safest place I can be now, I know eventually I would have to come but I'd rather wait and take my time in here and enjoy it while it lasts." 

Chris' parents and extended family are very eager see him/her in person but he/she chooses to make them wait. 

Chris wouldn't even tell us reporters even the actual name was Christian or Christina thereby leaving everybody including our reporters in a state of high curiosity. 

It has also been reported that Chris has two notorious uncles who apparently play only computer games, from whom the family has vowed to shield the baby saying they would be a negative influence on a tender mind. 

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Start-up that sells you Air

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A team of Entrepreneurs have developed a unique way to get you the best air and have you breathe pure. No we're not talking about creating fake oxygen in oxygen bars.

Here's the video :

We are buying jar for our offices.

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The Mitt Romney guide to be a politican

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Our Election expert Angel Cruise has decoded what makes Mitt Romney a politician.

1) It's all about the Money : Mitt Romney had raised more money than his competitor and this was the first time ever a challenger did raise more than a sitting President.

2) Have as many kids as you can - they'll surely vote for you : Now how would it feel if you lost by 1 vote? He's never gonna face that.

3) Don't Change your stance : Stay as far on the right of the road as you can - during the Primaries.

4) Change your stance : Okay if it's to win votes you can change you stance sometimes.

5) Be a fool at times : Act like you don't know something to prove a point. Like saying we have fewer ships and hence the Navy is worse. #HorsesandBayonets

6) Lie : Need I say more?

7)Be a successful businessman :

8) Run negative Ads :

9) Be over confident : don't write a concession speech, concession speeches are for losers

10) Demean your opponent:

11) Argue with yourself for practice :

12) Choose and inexperienced but charming running mate :

13) Practice a lot :

and finally... always remember

14) Don't try to be greater than your father was. 

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Jon Stewart surges to 10 point lead over O'Reilly

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Opinion polls have handed liberal Jon Stewart a 10 point (55%-45%) lead over his conservative rival Bill O'Reilly after a fiercely contested debate. 

Viewers say this was the moment Stewart won over the fence-sitters.

After this Stewart went on to defeat his conservative rival by 61% to 39% according to opinion polls. 

Full link to the debate.

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1 Billion celebrate the movie Wall-E

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About 1/6th of the worlds population today celebrate the film Wall-E and relate it to an ancient Indian tradition.

Micro-blogging site Twitter was filled with people wishing each other "Happy The Wall-E". The occasion was so big that even President Barack Obama joined in to wish the ones celebrating.

He added a pun after having won the elections by saying this celebration is "the Triumph of good(himself) over evil(Romney), of Truth(himself) over untruth(Romney) and that this was the time we would be led from darkness to light".

Scientists are still trying to figure out the connection between the celebration and the Pixar movie.

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Student gives up chance to play computer games

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A grad-student who we had reported about earlier (link here) rejected the opportunity to play games like Counter-Strike and Need for Speed with his friends on a Local Area Network so that he could study and apply for internships on the social networking website LinkedIn.

With a coffee in his hand on a cold Saturday night, Ishan said he would not hangout with his friends because he had to apply for summer internships in California. When his friend asked him, he said " Look applying is not a simple process, I have to look for roles, qualification, salary etc. and they take a long time to apply, so I need to do that now, also I have an assignment due on Monday so I cannot make it, okay you guys please leave now, let me get started" and pushed his friends and our reporter out of his room. 

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1% of US loses power for 4 years

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In a very disheartening incident that happened on Tuesday the 6th of November 2012, 1% of the population of the United States of America lost power. An estimated 3 Million people would be without power for over 4 years based on current estimates. 

The elite who had conspired to take control of the country and run it like a "CORPORATION" failed badly on popular vote and would be cast into 4 years of exile. Repercussions are already being felt by the majority where as promised many of the rich have been firing their employees out of frustration. 

Said one billionaire Donald Duck "I had bet against this happening, I wanted power in our hands and had even got friends to invest in this plan, now I do not know what we're going to do without any power, this is a calamity for myself and the other 3 Million of us, they want us to more taxes, we already pay millions in taxes and that man wants us to pay more? Is he crazy? Next time we will not let anyone like him be the president, even if that means me spending $100M"

It is said their representative Pitt Mo'Money unexpectedly lost against a man who they claimed was no good and would surely not win. 

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Avengers steal childrens candy

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During the annual fancy dress competition where children go around asking for candy which is eventually eaten kept in the store to be redistributed the following year there has been a bizarre reporting in North Carolina. The residents spotted a group of older kids who seemed to be better dressed than the rest of their group and went from house to house asking for candy and suddenly grabbed the bags of candy from the rest of the kids and flew away. 

"They seemed older than my kids and I was skeptical letting them go in the same group but nonetheless they seemed sweet so I let them go, then all of a sudden they snatched Luz and Dylans candy and flew away, I did not expect them to steal my kids candy, now I have to buy candy for myself and for next Halloween, given the economy it's not a joke you see. I'm so mad that I'm not gonna take my kids to watch Avengers-2, I'd rather watch Batman but sad Nolan's not making anymore of those ones but we have Superman coming up though so there's hope. " said Sally one of the mums whose kids had their candy stolen by the Avengers. 

Six year old Dylan seemed too low to even talk "I had a bag full of candy and the avengers do this to me and it was my favorite bag that they took away, but anyway Christmas is not far away - I'll ask Santa for a new bag better than this one and for a lot of candy" and finally smiled. 

In other news a man got his first kiss after he dressed and a kissing booth for Halloween.

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Republicans say Obama won because it was Obama

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After his concession speech team Mitt Romney has said what could have been the main cause of a higgly unlikely democrat victory - Barack Obama.

"I mean even with all the money and negative ads that we were able to generate, it was tough to beat some like Obama, how can we ever get a candidate that speaks like him? People listen to him and are in tears. I haven't anybody do this other than my dad who would threaten to beat me - so when he spoke I would cry too but this is different. How can we beat someone with so much charm? Even Mitt Romneys' grand daughters love Obama. In fact they have asked Romney to give Obama four more years" said Ryan Paul the assistant to Paul Ryan.

"How do the democrats manage to get such eloquent speakers? First it was Clinton and now Obama. Why always them? Look at our best speakers G.W. Bush and Paul Ryan. Romney couldn't even stick to one point. He always contradicts himself all the time, he suffers from ADD and short-term memory loss." He added.

Apparently the Republicans are hiring good speakers to assist with their almost failed 2016 race in which they may have to deal with the potentially first woman president in Hilary Clinton.

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Man has goose for a pet

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A man from Providence, RI has been reported having a goose for a pet and he even takes it for walks.

Ray has been spotted by residents of Providence walking into a supermarket with his goose in tow. It is said that the goose is very well behaved and does eat the grain or vegetables that is displayed at the store. 

When asked Ray who is a life-long Republican and Celtics fan said "Look, Geese live more than dogs do and they don't have an attitude like cats, so basically they are more caring than cats and live longer than dogs. We are Mormons and are pro-life, when my dog Timmy died my son was sad for weeks, so I had to get him a pet that would not die soon and he would be mature enough by the time we reach such an eventuality. Which is why I got him this goose."

Asked if it was easy raising a goose he said "Yes and No,  everything has a down-side like Rossi needs a diaper all the time and we need to take him to the lake for him to bathe and we've had coyotes having their eyes on our house sometimes but over he's a loving guy I must say, he's like having a toddler around all the time also during the winter he can't go out so he's a little noisy in the house, and again changing the diaper all the time..." 

When we asked Rossi how he felt being a Mormon all he said was "back back, back back, quack".

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Two New Jersey residents get a life

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When Nature Calls : nobody answers, but when she screams everyone is scared.

In the highly so called connected generation 2 residents who were perpetually glued to their laptops had it shut it off thanks to Hurricane Sandy which struck the tri-state causing much devastation.

Parents of two brothers(Pete and Sam) who were always glued to their laptops and completely cut-off from society were extremely happy that their sons were for the first time not on their laptops and actually went out for a walk for the first time in 8 years.

"My sons are angels, they've never even had a girlfriend so long but I was so scared for them, they would never go out, eat just one meal a day and be in front of their laptops. My older son at least worked but the younger one would just sit in front of the laptop and watch stuff. I'm hoping he gets a job soon too, he's 25 years old now you see" said Amy their concerned mum.

The parents joy was short-lived though because the family have temporary moved into a relatives home and the brothers are back to where they started. "It's worse here because the older one has an off from work till the storm settles" she added.

When asked by our reporter as to what they do the whole day on the laptops they replied in tandem "What's your problem?"

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22 year old Woman finds true love in 40 year old man

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A 22 year old bartender in New York has said she really loves her partner Alex(44) and wants to marry him.

"I really love Alex, and it's not about his job or his money, or this diamond ring he gifted me on the day we got engaged" said Nadine as she showed the ring on her hand.

"Alex is a really loving and caring man. I have been with him for only 3 months now and he has already gifted me a Ford Mustang, now imagine how lucky can a girl ever get, this is true love." She added.

Asked if we could see the car which was parked in the basement of their million dollar apartment,  she did share a picture of it with us.

"I used to live in New Jersey before but I've now moved in with him, I've never moved in ever with any of my previous 4 boyfriends and none of them have ever gifted me a car. So surely Alex must love me a lot. So I have a car, a diamond ring and a luxury apartment, what more can any woman ask for?"


Images : http://mustangforums.com/forum/saleen-roush-and-boss-mustangs/378474-nastiest-mustangs-ever.html

http://www.makeuplovesme.com/2009_08_01_archive.html

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7-eleven predicts Obama Victory

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With opinion polls having their day in the sun - 7-eleven was to be left behind. It said that they had the best indicators of who would win this election. 

"We sell coffee to a lot of people and offer either a blue cup written 'Obama' on it or a red cup written 'Romney' on it, people are free to choose who they're gonna vote for and so far we have numbers of 59% Obama and 41% Romney among the 3 Million cups of coffee we sold since when this campaign has kicked off, this is the most accurate results you could ever get with no sampling error and no bias like the polls have" said Patel who himself was sipping coffee from a blue cup. "Even with a sampling error of 5% we expect 4 more years for the President" He added. 

"Last time too we had predicted Obama would win, look at the picture we had from the day of elections in 2008, most of the Obama cups had sold out and look at the number of Mc Cain cups that remained. We start off with equal quantities of both" he said as he shared this image with our reporter. 

The Romney campaign has dismissed this poll saying "It makes no sense, these guys have no idea about the electoral college etc. They are running a popularity contest, which is not what the aim is, the aim is to get Gov. Romney to the white house" 

One of our reporters asked Gov. Romney himself his opinion about this poll, "Well, when I was governor of Massachusetts we had the best education system in the country, we also had the lowest unemployment rate and we had rain and rainbows and clouds and trees and beautiful fall and spring seasons" he said in his typical merry-go-round fashion.  

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Mayan warrior rises from the dead - asks End of World Lobbyists to shut up

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In a startling incident in Brazil, Gukumatz a Mayan Warrior from the 3rd Century has come back to life and asked the December 21st lobbyists to shut up.

An infuriated Gukumatz said "What do these guys think of themselves? Look at your own calendar? Does your world end every December? Or at the end of every month? Or every Friday? I guess some of you fools do think the world ends on Friday because of the partying and music I hear on Friday. You don't even let me rest in peace. The 21st December 2012 was the end of the cycle dammit, don't you guys understand? So according to us a new cycle begins on the 22nd. Just like you guys have one beginning on the 1st of January, just that ours is longer." He yelled and walked away.

He came back in a few minutes and asked "I like the new iPad - how much does it cost?"

Image Courtesy : http://www.flickr.com/photos/15771440@N06/4735717057/sizes/z/in/photostream/

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Colorado Man wins $1.2M lottery in England

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In what has been described as a very rare occurrence a resident of Denver, Colorado has won a lottery in England of £750,000(Approx. $1.2M).

Dirk Lewandowski in his interview said "My mother was Polish and she would always say that I was a lucky boy, I had opened a new email address because my old address was full and this was the 25th email I get. Incidentally my birthday is on the 25th and 25 is also my lucky number also I'm a major Coca-Cola fan, which could be why they selected me, I have even liked their page on Facebook" 

He went on to add how he intend to spend the money, "I would donate 10% of it to Mitt Romney whom I support as president and the other 90% I intend not to waste like that, I have been a lifelong Republican and now is the time for me to vote Romney because now that I'm rich and he would care for people like me" 

"I would invest in firms that outsource and invest some amount of money in tax-havens like the Cayman Islands just like my idol Mitt."

He was kind enough to share the email with us and statisticians say that such an occurrence has a chance of 1 in 500M, so in the whole world there would be at most 13 people who get this email. When asked if the number 13 meant any kind of bad luck to the recipients of the prize, the statistician was non-committal and said "I am yet to calculate that". 

Coca-Cola officials were unavailable for comment. 

E-mail attached below. 

 

Kenmore Rd 41B Park, Wakefield, West

Yorkshire WF2 0XR, ENGLAND

United Kingdom

EMAIL: coke125anniversary@msn.com

TEL: +44-8719749889

        +44-8719749912

Dear winner,

This is to inform you that this email id is among the hundred (100) lucky emails Id's that won Seven Hundred and Fifty Thousand Great British Pounds Sterling (£750,000.00 GBP) in the 125th Coca Cola Anniversary Award.

All participants were selected randomly from World Wide Web site through computer draws system and extracted from over 10,000,000 companies and personal e-mails. So your email is your online automatic ticket that qualified you for this draw, no ticket were sold. Our winning notification was sent via e-mail to all lucky e-mails addresses for you to receive our winning notification e-mail as you have indicated.

Note: Your winning certificate will be send to you upon the receipt of your details. All you need to do now is to fill the verification form below completely and return back to us immediately.

Fill Out This Form (Verification Form)

1. Full Names:

2. Your Full Address :

3. Your Date of Birth:

4. Your Nationality:

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6. Your Current  City:

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8. Sex:

9. Marital Status:

10.Winning Email Address:

11. Your Mobile Number:

Kindly send a scan copy of your identification either, driver license, voter’s card, pan card or international passport for verification, to this E-mail: coke125anniversary@msn.com  

Send your information to the below contact, Coca Cola Award Board.

E-mail/SENT/REPLY TO: coke125anniversary@msn.com  

CLAIM OFFICERDR.Darren Lloyds

EMAIL: coke125anniversary@msn.com

Claim Your (£750,000.00) Seven Hundred and Fifty Thousand British Pounds Now.

For security reasons, you are advised to keep your winning information confidential till your claims is processed and your money remitted to you in whatever manner you deem fit to claim your prize. This is part of our precautionary measure to avoid double claiming and unwarranted abuse of this program. Please be warned.

NOTE: ALL MAILS REGARDING CLAIMS SHOULD BE SENT/REPLY TO: coke125anniversary@msn.com

The Coca Cola Company. Copy Right © 2012 All Right Reserve

             

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Apple fan with common sense found!

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In what has been the biggest discovery since America by Christopher Columbus, our reporter has found an Apple fan who has common sense.

The man a plumber by profession said that ever since Timothy Cook has been cooking at Apple kitchens, the company has nose-dived in terms of innovation and it's only stream of revenue seems to be from suing rival Samsung.

"I mean, look at this - I have the iPhone 4 and my son the iPhone 5 and I hardly see the difference, my son told me something about it being some 20% lighter and some 18% smaller etc. and he has a cover for the phone, so how does it being smaller help? Moreover other than some software he talks to on the phone it's just like my phone, I don't see the difference, it cost $200 for that phone and don't ask me about accessories, he's had to buy a new dock, and my charger doesn't even fit in his phone" said Mike. "The other day I forgot my GPS in the truck and took the sedan for the drive and used it's maps, the damn thing took us to the next town instead of home, I should be dumb to buy that phone"  he added.

When asked which phone he'd buy next - Mike said " I don't know but it's definitely not the new iPhone, they sell you the same thing repackaged and tell you it's new, I know this business model very well, we use it a lot in the plumbing industry.I'm not a fool to buy that phone, the guys who buy it lack common sense "

He went on to say " It's not just the phone, I have a lot of Apple products, look at my Mac - half the software I need for work don't run on it, I keep it in the living room like an expensive toy so that visitors see it and admire my spending power. This iPad here - double the cost of some other tablet and has the same features, even maintaining and buying apps are so expensive with Apple I'm never buying any of their stuff again".

He had a message for other Apple fans too " See guys, you look at the logo at the back - you must understand why the Apple is half-eaten, IT'S OLD , would you buy a half-eaten Apple from the store?" and he signed off. 

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Asian dad reprimands son for asking time

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A man in Delaware has reprimanded his 8 year old son for asking the time.

The man of Asian origin who had been over the last two days asked the time by his son twice said "Wei comes up to me yesterday and asks me just before dinner 'Daddy, is it 7pm or 6pm now?' and today in the morning he asks me 'Daddy, why does my watch say 10am and my phone say 9am?' I mean is that something one would ask his dad? I expect him to ask me questions like 'What is the 4th root of 81?'"

Mr. Xu said that he has explained to his son about Daylight savings 4 times over the last 2 years, "If he does not understand such simple concepts how would he get a perfect 4.0? If he don't understand daylight saving, how will he be able to save money?" added the angry father before munching into some fried dumplings.

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Search still on for missing New Jersey Engineer

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Rescue workers are on the lookout for Aye Nup a software engineer who resides in North Jersey. He has been missing heavy rains hit the area.

He was last spotted exercising at a gym in Newark and has been missing ever since. 

He is around 5'8" tall, thin and has a fair complexion. His friend describe him as a sweet person who had no enemies, which rules the case of any gang/violence related incident. 

Considering the fact that he was a sweet person Gov. Christie of New Jersey has ordered rescue workers to look in the two rivers around the area, Passaic and Hudson and also the Atlantic Ocean. 

One of the theory is that he may have dissolved in the water owing to his sweetness and rescue workers are looking for traces of insoluble parts of the human body. They say if we can collect the water around where they find the insoluble parts, then there is hope of recovering him. 

Sweetie D'Wary the head of the search and rescue team said "Yes, we are looking for the water after which we could perform a chemical process known as fractional distillation at our lab and get him back to life, I say fractional distillation because his head and body and legs would have different melting and boiling points" 

More on this topic once he's found. 

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Extinct Species found in New Jersey

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Social Scientists researching on the study of how cars take care of their owners on highways have stumbled upon a species which was last officially spotted in the year 1987.

The group of researchers happened to find a certain Roy Don who is a graduate student and actually STUDIES and follows a proper schedule to sleep, eat and work-out.

Roy's DNA sample has shown roots to Portugal and seemed to be a quiet and serious person. When questioned about his daily routine Roy said "Yes, I wake up at 5am, finish up whatever I have to do before beginning my study and I also exercise twice a day to keep myself fit. I also run about 10 miles a week to keep stress at bay, I have my supper at around 9pm, before going for a walk and go to bed by 10pm, seven hours of sleep is essential." When asked about what was the latest time he had slept, "It was my birthday a few days back and we had a few unwelcome guests over at night, so I had to stay up till 12am as courtesy, so that is one day I would not forget or forgive". 

When questioned about night-life, "He said, don't we all live at night?, I mean it's a known biological fact right? So what's so great about living in the night?" To which the baffled reported asked do you party or go out at night? "Well, personally I don't and don't endorse it either but I must say that I have a roommate who does it often and I personally don't approve of that fact that he comes back home on weekends at the time I'm just about to wake up, doesn't he have a life?" He added as he was just finishing up an online lesson on Coursera.org . 

When asked whether he watched movies he replied in the affirmative saying An Inconvenient Truth by Al Gore was his last and favorite movie. 

The research group also happen to strike silver when they encountered another student Ishan who studies too but not as much as Roy. 

On receiving his DNA sample they found out that Roy and Ishan were 17th cousins and that their DNAs had a 36% match. Biologist are now probing if genes have something to do with these two students actually being students. 

More on this as the reports flow in... 

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